self help links

Life can be tough, exciting, complicated, challenging and full of questions, great and small. It’s helpful to share and face those challenges, and simply give things a try. This is a very small starter selection of links and resources. I would love to hear your thoughts and recommendations. If you are an author or expert who would like to join the self help central network then drop me a line.

Change

Change is healthy... but that doesn't mean we have to like it. That sums up how many of us feel about change. It brings opportunities and new experiences but it's also scary and unnerving. Why do we expect the worst when we see change coming? Why do we fear the unknown?

Feel the Fear...

... and do it anyway. Why is it Americans come up with such brilliant book titles? And another way of putting it that I heard recently is 'what would you do if you could do anything?'

Who Moved My Cheese? 

Some people love this little book about three mice, some people are less kind. My reaction was similar to when I read The Da Vinci Code. At the time of reading I devoured it and thought what a great book, and then, gradually, I wasn't so sure. I felt like I'd fallen for it. So if you are open minded then I'd say it's worth it, it only takes about an hour to read anyway. If you are of a cynical disposition then perhaps give it a miss.

The Stages of Change Model 

The Stages of Change Model was originally developed in the late 1970s by James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente at the University of Rhode Island. They were studying how some people were able to give up smoking, but the model also applies to all sorts of behaviour involving personal change, including weight loss.

The idea is that we don't change instantly, but we progress through a series of steps. And the cliché is true that other people can't force you to change, you can only move through the steps at your own pace through inner control. See if you think it makes sense:

1. Precontemplation (you don't yet know or acknowledge there is anything to change)

2. Contemplation (you acknowledge there is a problem but you're not sure you want to change or you don't feel ready)

3. Preparation/Determination (you set your intention and work out how you're going to change)

4. Action/Willpower (actual change)

5. Maintenance

6. Relapse

Of course you don't have to relapse, once you consciously work at maintaining a change at some point it becomes your everyday behaviour (I suspect this phase takes some time!). I'm glad I found this model again because it explains why we often feel so guilty about our lack of willpower, if we try and force change when we've just started contemplating it then no wonder we have so many aborted attempts. Personally, I spend a great deal of my life in contemplation and preparation so I think this is a useful reminder to carry on and get to the next stage.